This isn’t really my story, but… well, that hasn’t stopped me before. (And if you run into my wife, remember: you did NOT hear this from me.)

I’m on my second marriage, but I’m Deb’s third husband. Her first marriage, like mine, fell apart because of the sexual orientation of her spouse. She took her first divorce badly, and while she had great family support she felt incredibly lonely.

So when she met this handsome widower at work, and he was attentive and complimentary and made her feel appreciated…

Later (much later) she found out that pretty much everybody in her family thought the second marriage was a Bad Idea; certainly they thought the second husband was. Within the first year (well, first few months, maybe) she realized she was stuck with an egocentric putz who had been looking for a domestic servant to clean, cook, and care for his kids. While he was never physically abusive, he excelled at pushing her buttons and making her feel like worthless crap. It took her almost five years to admit she’d made a mistake, decide to accept the shame of TWO failed marriages, and work up the nerve to walk out and go back to being single. (She said he didn’t fight it — mostly, she thinks, because he couldn’t believe she wouldn’t turn around and come crawling back to him.)

So she finished her 30s as a single. And started her 40s the same way. And decided (despite less than subtle hints dropped by her parents, who were a rock through her divorces but, hey <sigh> parents) that singleness… yeah, this was okay. Being The World’s Coolest Aunt* was alright.

Then she met this divorced guy at work, who wasn’t remotely close to handsome but made her laugh… but that’s another story.

Anyway, we both agree that while we like being married to each other, we would have been fine if we’d never met and stayed the course as singles. Plus, although she feels her second marriage makes her a better wife now, she wouldn’t necessarily recommend getting into a stupid, horrible, ego-dissolving, soul-numbing, mind-deadening marriage just to rack up the experience points.

Not that I’m worried you’ll go that route. But if you ever have thoughts along that line I know someone who can help talk some sense back into you.

*She knows this because she has this on a t-shirt she was given.

Written by

Husband & retiree. Developer, tech writer, & IT geek. I fill what’s empty, empty what’s full, and scratch where it itches. Occasionally do weird & goofy things.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store