Ouch! My parents were very touchy about discussing details of their deaths with my sister and me. Also their insurance, their finances, their property...
When we would bring it up, my father would harrumph and remind us that our mother had done this professionally (true—she had helped people who needed advice on transitioning to retired or assisted living, using her experience as health care director at a retirement home) and WE certainly did not need to “intervene.” By the time my sister and I “intervened” our mother was well into her dementia, and paperwork that she had once carefully prepared was lost, destroyed, or self-contradictory.
My sister ended up picking up all the pieces. She had total PoA and executrix powers — I was cut out when my father and I had our falling out (when Deb stole his car to keep him from killing someone) and I was surprised to find that I was even included in the will. (I’m fairly sure that my sister was siphoning off our parents’ money to pay for her projects and lifestyle, which annoys Deb immensely — “Your mom would NOT have wanted that to happen!” — but I’m fine with, since Deb & I were well prepared for retirement while my sister hasn’t worked a paying job for over a year, and her husband has been unemployed since the start of the Trump Pandemic. OTOH, we haven’t actually seen any money yet. Or even been told how much was in the estate. So there’s that. 😁) But my sister was putting in all the work to take care of our parents, after it turned out they’d been lying about everything being fine (although I now am pretty sure that the dementia hit them sooner than we suspected, so “lying” is probably a bit harsh), so if she got a bunch of bucks out of it that’s cool with me.
ANYway, Tre, my point (and I think I started out with one 😉) is that discussions about details, while painful and annoying, are needed.