My wife moved in with her mother to care for her the last 8 months of her life. I visited frequently and we shared a small guest bed, but basically I lost my wife for over a year (the actual time away plus the depression she went through when Mom finally passed).

But at least my parents had everything all set up for their move into a retirement home, they had plenty of money, and my mother had been a healthcare pro specializing in assisting elderly couples into assisted living, so solid plans were in place (they assured us).

Then my mother was diagnosed with dementia, and it turned out everything they told us about having plans was a lie.

My sister has taken over and has acquired POA over their lives by fast talk and subterfuge (the only way to get their cooperation). She’s doing the best she can for them, and they hate her for it. They refuse live-in help, they refuse to move, they refuse everything except my sister “stopping by after work” (they live in IL; my sister lives in CA; we live in PA). What is owed to parents who have lied to their children and care nothing about shattering their lives?

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Husband & retiree. Developer, tech writer, & IT geek. I fill what’s empty, empty what’s full, and scratch where it itches. Occasionally do weird & goofy things.

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