It gets better. We had one “non-family member” at our small wedding—Deb’s first husband, Bill. And not just because he did the flowers (including the bride’s and mother-of-the-bride bouquets) as his wedding gift to us.

When Deb & I were in our “getting to know you” phase, we brought up previous marriages, obviously. And I shared that my first marriage fell apart because my first wife thought she was bi, but realized she was gay after we got married. And Deb met that with a “small world” revelation: her first marriage had collapsed when Bill realized he was gay (Deb was his first love in college). Their relationship was strained during the divorce, but a few years later they renewed their friendship and stayed in touch after that.

When I met Deb’s family, I got to hear “Bill stories” from back when, all told with affection. Bill was at our wedding and at one of the family Christmas celebrations — Bill’s father had died years before, and his mom had severe dementia, but Deb’s parents still looked at him with parental affection. We had Bill as a guest at our house any number of times, and were guests at his house (just us and with “the boys,” many of whom knew Deb already) in the western PA hills.

Alas, Bill got hit with prostate cancer that metastasized before they caught it, and he died in 2009. He was a good guy and a great friend to Deb. Although, she pointed out, even if he’d been straight they’d have ended up divorced, since Bill’s sense of fiscal responsibility (or lack of it) would have driven her to divorce or financial ruin at some point. In some ways, getting divorced preserved their friendship.