I was a quiet agnostic in junior high and high school, even while I was an acolyte in our Episcopal church. Then in college I got to be more of an evangelical agnostic (“I don’t know the answers! You don’t know the answers. NOBODY KNOWS THE ANSWERS!”) bordering on atheism (but atheism takes way more faith than I have). Then in the late 1980s I discovered… chaos theory.
This is hard to explain to someone who isn’t a math person, and isn’t easy to some math people. Or at least I don’t do it well. Let’s just say it’s like getting a religious pamphlet, only rather than just telling you about Jesus and miracles it gives you some things to try, and ten minutes later your glass that started with tap water now has a fine Cabernet. In my case there were simple equations, I wrote some programs to experiment, and the shit got totally fucking weird. Stuff I’ve believed since I was a kid is bullshit weird. Reality is just a comfortable lie we’ve all agreed on because the truth is too hard to work with weird. God doesn’t have to change the rules of the game to make miracles because the game is already rigged weird.
So I haven’t figured out whether I believe in miracles, because they’re written into the fabric of space-time, or I don’t believe in miracles because… same reason.
Anyway, I’m fine with religions as religions, it’s just what people do with them that offends or delights me. Such as, turning away someone in need from a shelter. That shit don’t fly. Just saying.