Chat with Deb—One Man’s Junk Mail Is Another’s… Okay, Still Junk Mail

Where DO these companies find us for their mailing lists?

Jack Herlocker


My wife and I talk to each other at breakfast. No, really, we do! But since we also need something to talk about, we like to read through our junk mail catalogs.

ME: Is there something about the holidays that brings out friends-related stuff? Like a plaque that says, “We’ve been friends so long, I can’t remember which one of us is the bad influence!” Or a paperweight that says, “You’ll always be my best friend — you know too much.”

DEB: How much for the paperweight? I could get that for Barb. <checks the price, then the paperweight> Or not. I could get an engineer-themed throw pillow for you!

ME: What? Why would—

DEB: It’s embroidered! It says, “Never, but never, question the engineer’s judgement.”

ME: Which is correct, but— an embroidered pillow? Have they actually met any engineers?

DEB: We’ll assume not. Here’s a t-shirt that says, “OHD—Obsessive Halloween Disorder.” Something for Sass? She does those great Halloween cookies.

ME: Halloween? How far down in the pile are you? Okay, if we’re shopping for Medium peeps, here’s a rock for Clay: “JUST LOVE EVERYONE! I’ll sort them out later. –GOD” Or really any of the Our Human Family group, I guess.

DEB: Doormat: “Send a text when you arrive. No need to knock and get the dog involved.” Gail and Henrietta?

ME: Or Tre and Jernee. I wonder if Mark does BBQ? Here’s a rock guitar spatula and tongs, perfect for the grill. Mark could show off when he has his band over for a picnic.

DEB: You’ve shown me Dusty’s Instagram when she’s been in the kitchen, this t-shirt might work: “I bake, because punching people is frowned upon.”

ME: Or Sass again. This one is more me, alas: “I think senility is going to be a fairly smooth transition for me.”

DEB: I like the shirt next to it: “I’ve learned so much from my mistakes, I’m thinking of making a few more.” Works for both of us! As…



Jack Herlocker

Husband & retiree. Developer, tech writer, & IT geek. I fill what’s empty, empty what’s full, and scratch where it itches. Occasionally do weird & goofy things.