Chat with Deb—Catalogs, Part… Sorry, Kinda Lost Count

My wife and I flip through junk catalogs over breakfast. Does that make us bad people? Do we care?

Jack Herlocker


We read things to each other that we find in junk mail. It’s a married thing. (Might just be us, come to think of it. Oh well!)

ME: “Stop buying plastic human skeletons for Halloween! Instead, invest in environmentally-friendly, locally-sourced, all-natural skeletons!”

DEB: And you can give them to your dog afterward! Wins all around! Sweatshirt: “Here I am! What are your other two wishes?” Think I could get away with that one, Jackster?

ME: You are always all three of my wishes, Debster! <smooch> “KNOWLEDGE is knowing a tomato is a fruit; WISDOM is not putting it in a fruit salad; PHILOSOPHY is pondering if a Bloody Mary counts as a smoothie.”

DEB: T-shirt: “One day you’re young, next day you have a favorite pharmacy.” That’s [friend of ours], she still drives to the pharmacy that was walking distance from her old house, even though her new place has a pharmacy on the corner. She doesn’t want to learn where everything is in a new store.

ME: Hopefully it’s not one of the ones going bankrupt. Here’s a t-shirt for “TEAM OXFORD COMMA!” But shouldn’t that be “TEAM, OXFORD, COMMA”?

DEB: “I am not a pack rat. I am a protector of unwanted objects.” I should buy one of these t-shirts for every one of my people I help downsize.

ME: Yup, add one more thing to their piles, that will help!

We have some catalogs we classify as “food porn.” For some reason we get more new companies every year. (Oh, it only gets worse when we order from them? Great, sure, tell us that NOW!)

ME: That Wisconsin cheeses company! I love their layouts and photos! But they have some things I don’t remember from visits to the dairy state. Like, um, “cheese fudge.” A wheel of chocolate “fudge” studded with walnuts. “A true Wisconsin classic” — since when?

DEB: Gail Boenning would know, honey. Oh, they have that bread cheese I like! Um, but they describe it as “a…



Jack Herlocker

Husband & retiree. Developer, tech writer, & IT geek. I fill what’s empty, empty what’s full, and scratch where it itches. Occasionally do weird & goofy things.