Chat with Deb—Catalog Season is Over! (kidding!)
But we’re getting down to the Halloween 2022 issues…
Yes, I know, for the past three years I have said we would put the catalogs on the bottom of the pile when we got them. Once again, we didn’t. Shush!
ME: I’ve gotten down to Halloween issues! And summer clothes from LL Bean and Vermont Country Store, which are almost back in season again. Ha! We’ve gotten to the bottom of the pile before Valentines Day!
Deb holds up food catalog with a heart-themed gingerbread house on the cover.
ME: Before Easter, that’s what I said. Oooh, here’s a “woolen wood witch hat” — I know someone who would look great in it!
DEB: Besides me?
ME: I know at least two someones who would look great in this!
DEB: Just razzin’ ya, Jackster! Okay, I know women who would wear this t-shirt: “They’re called ‘man-hours’ because a woman would finish that sh*t in 20 minutes.”
ME: Hey, this is a pretty… wait. Okay, I thought it was a pretty floral wreath, but the “white flowers” are actually skulls. Maybe for our door next Halloween?
DEB: No. “Sobriety tests are getting ridiculous. Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet!” This why I let you drive most of the time.
ME: What, like I can fold a fitted sheet any better than, “Yup, that should fit in the linen closet if I push hard”? “Concrete Grandpa: thoroughly mixed up and permanently set in his ways.” Works for uncles, too.
DEB: “There are two types of people in the world. (I don’t like either one.)” Summarizes things nicely!
ME: “All my passwords are protected by amnesia.” That and… what was the other thing…?
DEB: “You know you’re old when you clean to the music you used to drink to.” Yet another reason to avoid cleaning.
ME: “UNCLE. The man. The myth. The bad influence.” We should get that for Jarid [our nephew], he’s doing a wonderful job of carrying on the tradition of messing with a nephew’s mind!¹
DEB: “You’ve validating my distrust of strangers.” Although I gotta tell ya, I’m not always sure about people I know!
ME: “If my body is a temple, where’s my tax exemption?” Oooh, tax time is coming up—
DEB: NO, Jackster! “Don’t judge me because I’m quiet. No one plans revenge out loud.”
ME: You could try to claim that nobody would be that stupid, but I doubt that would hold much weight these days. “I remember when people went a whole day without taking a picture of anything.” And then were all pleased with themselves when they got to see it in less than 24 hours.
DEB: “If you have to ask if it’s too early to drink wine, then you’re an amateur and we can’t be friends.” Fortunately all my friends are pros.
ME: Somebody is selling a “reverse coloring book”. The pages have all the colors provided, but you have to draw the lines. So, more like a Rorschach test? In Technicolor™?
DEB: Whatever sells, honey. “World’s okayest phlebotomist.” There’s t-shirt I’m glad I didn’t see when they were trying to put an IV needle in my arm for my colonoscopy!
ME: Here’s a book called, “Crafting with Cat Hair.” Which apparently is just what it sounds like. It’s from Victorian Trading Company, and yep, that sounds just like the weird artwork from that era.
DEB: Linda [my ex-wife] has a cat, maybe she could use it? No? “‘It takes a village to raise a child.’ So, do they just show up? Do I need to make a call?” So many parents have that question.
ME: Okay, still from VTC, soaps inspired by artists and authors. Such as, “VAN GOGH’S SUNFLOWER SOAP — for the tortured artist who enjoys fluffy bubbles.” And “ALICE’S TINY LITTLE HAND SOAP—grows smaller and smaller with repeated use, then shrinks away altogether.” In floral scents.
DEB: Door mat: “PLEASE PLACE PACKAGES WHERE SPOUSE WILL NOT SEE THEM.” That’s fine, but then how would I know where they were?
ME: Finally, here’s a pewter bracelet with the words: “I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.” Aw! We know a lot of ripple-makers out there.
¹Jarid posted a photo of himself with his sister’s son. Jarid is dressed as a taco. His nephew is peering up at him with this expression like, “It’s Uncle Jarid… but it’s a taco… but it’s Uncle Jarid… but it’s a TACO…” I’m so proud!
