Chat with Deb—Beginning to Look a Lot Like the Christmas Rush
We’re pretty much just leafing through catalogs quickly at this point, but every so often we find something…
The catalog rush is almost over. Almost.
Still the occasional t-shirt, sign, or other odd thing to remark upon.
DEB: “My Dream Job would be: Karma Delivery Service.” Maybe just part-time, on weeks I’m helping at the church office?
ME: Ooh, I have a related one: “Karma means I can rest easy at night knowing all the people I treated badly had it coming.” Think that works?
DEB: Careful, Jackster, it works both ways. Uh-oh, we have a theme going: “REVENGE just sounds so mean… that’s why I prefer to call it, ‘Returning the favor.’”
ME: Anything you need to share, honey? Oh dear, one of our baking supply people is at it again, with their cookie cutters. We have a roundish, um, something, and a… dog of some sort?
DEB: However?
ME: It’s supposed to be a snowglobe and a pickup truck with a fir tree in the back. At least, after their local staff has gone all Martha Stewart on them.
DEB: Sorry, honey! Anyway, you shouldn’t eat sugar cookies anyway, with your diabetes.
ME: Think the cookie cutters work on bacon?
DEB: Doubtful. “I’m on the naughty list and I regret NOTHING.” In Christmas colors, even.
ME: “Dear Santa, I didn’t know I couldn’t do that.” Valid point, some of these lists are very vague.
DEB: “Dear Santa, at least I was better than my sister.” I would have worn that as a kid.
ME: As would your sister. Ah, actually, she’d like this better, these days: “Sometimes I feel old, but then I remember my sister is older.”
DEB: Careful, there, Jackster! “I made a huge to-do list… Now, who’s going to do it?” Sadly, we usually know the answer to that one.
ME: “If things get better with age, I must be approaching Magnificence!” Right?
DEB: Uh huh. “If we are in a ‘don’t laugh’ situation, do not look at me!”
ME: That’s kind of a standing order, isn’t it, Debster? Age again: “Getting older is just one body part after another going ‘Ha ha, you think that’s bad? Just watch this!’”
DEB: “My life is just a series of obstacles keeping me from reading my book.” Yup, even in retirement. Although it’s gotten easier since I started going to Kindle a lot more.
ME: Ooh, look, our Victorian era catalog company has a clearance sale, just in time for the holidays! I wonder if they have their poison rings on sale? We could use one.
DEB: We have one.
ME: What?
DEB: Aunt Norma gave it to me. During one of her downsizing periods. She got it from the Middle East or something while she was travelling.
ME: And you took it because…?
DEB: That was when I was still working for (previous boss — he was a jerk). So maybe I thought it could be a backup plan?
ME: Glad I know how your mind works, dear lady! This one is cute: “I will not be a doormat. I will not be a doormat. I WILL NOT BE A DOORMAT!” (shows picture to her)
DEB: Printed on a doormat. (checks catalog) From one of our PBS-affiliated groups, of course. Here, honey, I would get you this t-shirt: “Being a Trophy Husband is exhausting.”
ME: But the perks are good! “Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am awake. I kindly ask that you respect my privacy during this unfortunate time.” Yeah, I feel like that when I’m working the AV booth at the early service on Sundays.
ME: This company is selling a fake pickle.
DEB: To hide in the Christmas tree, honey. We have a pickle ornament from when I was a kid, you remember that.
ME: This one yodels.
DEB: By “yodel” you mean…? (looks in catalog) It yodels. “Impressive vocal styling.” What?
ME: Actually, if it has a delay mechanism, that would be neat to hide in someone’s Christmas tree.
DEB: Our niece would kill you.
ME: How would she suspect? Our grandnephew would think it’s cool!
Fortunately nobody in the family reads my stuff on Medium, so I’m probably safe.
More of our chats and conversations, in case you’re interested:
