Casey, question from a cis-het guy — what about demisexuals? I realize that goes beyond what you were talking about, but would a demisexual who falls for the person first and worries about gender later be considered bi or just a case to themselves? (I should mention that I'm working on a novel where the male main characters falls for a woman, then later falls for and marries a different woman; she leaves him and he falls for a gay guy. My editor is very firm that the male main character is gay, just confused initially. I'm trying to make the case for him being demi-ace.)

I'll also mention that my first marriage was to a lesbian who thought she was bi, but just "hadn't met the right guy" (which was supposed to be me, only, it turned out, not so much). After we divorced I had more than one lesbian friend who confided that they *knew* it was not going to work, because there aren't really bisexual women out there, just confused lesbians.