But Vi! We arm teachers (but only after training them thoroughly, during their copious free time) and watch the murder rate go down. Or not, because school shooters figure out that at some point the only armed person in the room needs to turn her/his back on the class and *bang*. So (millions of dollars in gun sales later) we arm (and train!) the “good students” to keep an eye on the class while the teacher isn’t (can’t be!) watching. And that takes care of the bullying problem, or at least moves the problem from “bullying,” which we have some clues how to solve, to “students caught in the cross-fire between the front of the room and the back row,” which we have not addressed yet but may involve Kevlar backpacks.

And the band played on…